I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
