i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that