yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
