I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.