Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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