i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.