I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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