after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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