who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
