I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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