i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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