remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
