Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
