omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
