# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
