You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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