I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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