Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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