so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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