I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
