i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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