I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
