oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
