I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
