It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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