I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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