Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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