So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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