WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
