he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
