It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
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I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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