But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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