Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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