I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
