I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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