No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
