i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
