I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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