Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
