I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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