all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
