Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
