I accidentally had phone sex last night
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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