she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
