we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
