Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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