And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
