And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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