In America we eat man semen.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
