I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
