so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
