Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
