Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
