My first STD was from a foam party
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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