i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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