This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
