Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
