when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
