I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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