Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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