Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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