My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
