I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
