On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
