D3 body, D1 cock
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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