How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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