Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My life is pants optional.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
