All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
