this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
