In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
