Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
