After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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