He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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