last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My ATM looks so different sober.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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