I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
