Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
