Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
