Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
