At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Non-Jews are for practice
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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