you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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