i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
