the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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